"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
