Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
