oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
