Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
tell me about the fingering
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
