i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
