These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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