I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
