It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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