And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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