The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
