At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Congratulations! We have a period
Dear god my vagina.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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