who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
