i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
