my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
