I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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