Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
