dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
