that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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