dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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