You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
