I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
