Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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