Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
