was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
