I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
