I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Sorry about my life...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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