My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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