I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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