Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
