i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
