So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
