Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
