I like my sex mixed with concussions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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