in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I love you. Go after that dick
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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