im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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