I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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