Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
