where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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