I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
