i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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