Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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