just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I will pee on everything he values.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
