Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
And then my night got REAL pukey
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
