i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
