Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
