HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
