he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
