I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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