Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
