You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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