is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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