apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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